In defense of Costco

I'm taking time out of the kitchen today, mainly because I actually have commitments aside from cooking and writing about it, but also because, as much as I love to make and consume homemade goodness, sometimes I just want to eat a bowl of cold cereal, put the bowl in the dishwasher, and move on.

That being said, this is a new blog with precisely zero readers, and apparently - if I ever want to get a reader - it's important to keep posting. This leaves me with two choices: Recycle a story from an old recipe I've got filed away somewhere (I'm not above that, and reviving 'vintage' food photos from my pre-blog days will undoubtedly play a material part in the near future), or talk about something altogether different. So I thought this would be a good excuse to address a topic that, at first blush, might seem not-very-foodie-friendly, and downright heretical to the locovore crowd that one would be excused for thinking (however erroneously) we at PK are trying to ingratiate ourselves with.

Let me begin today's tirade by stating, for the record, what must by now be obvious to even the most casual reader (as if I'd have any other kind): I am not a zealot. I am not a fanatic. I love to shop, cook, eat, and drink locally, but I don't lose any sleep over imported dry pastas, cheeses, cured hams, canned tomatoes, or wines; neither do I abhor the occasional short cut in the kitchen, if it allows me to make better food, on average, more of the time, than I otherwise would or could.

And, to get back on piste, I occasionally shop at Costco. Yes, this particular local cook provides material, if episodic, financial support to All That Is Evil in the world of category-killing food mongers. My defense is this: With a bit of selectivity, I can purchase certain high quality foodstuffs at deeply discounted prices. The money I save by doing so increases the amount of money I have to shop for high-priced groceries and, by extension, my financial support of local food producers. (Let's be clear, farmer's markets are anything but cheap - don't get me started on the "if you only understood the true economic cost of mass food production" b.s. I'm an economist, and I say you're elitist, delusional, and just plain wrong. But I recognize that that line of argument requires some supporting evidence, so I'll leave it for another post.) All of which means that, buy shopping at Costco, I buy and prepare a higher average quality of food for my family.

By "averages", I am not talking about eating free-range, locally ranched lamb one day, subsidized by pre-prepared, Costco Mystery Loaf on another day. I'm talking about good, generally basic, ingredients, of substantially the same quality that I would have otherwise purchased, at a vastly reduced price. A few simple examples to illustrate the point:

• Organic, extra virgin Italian olive oil: Works out to be about $7/liter at the Big C, which is on the order of 1/2 less than I would get a comparable product at our local natural foods market, and probably 1/3 less than I would find at TJ's. (I won't even bother to talk about Whole Paycheck. The checkbook-liberal, self-described locovore who pats his or her self on the back for buying poorly butchered wild salmon of dubious provenance from Whole Foods at an inflated price has a lot to learn about buying food, is all I'm saying. This, too, is fodder for another healthy, rant-filled post, so I'll reserve further comment for now.) Oh, and it's not because the oil isn't good. Does it taste like DaVero's Estate? No - but it is fresh, grassy, and generally everything you'd expect from an everyday staple EVOO.
• Milton's Multigrain bread: We go through it like locusts once "sandwich season", AKA The School Lunch Dilemma, is upon us. At about $5 for two extra long loaves, this, too, is on the order of 1/2-1/3 less than I'd otherwise get the identical product. 
• The cheeses can be excellent: I buy Redwood Hill Farms (who are about as local as it gets) outstanding goat's milk cheddar, as well as basic "cooking" cheeses from Tillamook or Bella Gioso or whomever. If you use Kraft American cheese - and we at PK swear by it, without shame, for diner-style cheeseburgers and omelets - why not get it in bulk? It's not like it's going bad.
• Organic butter and milk. It's fine, trust me. (I don't buy their eggs. I am fanatical about eggs, particularly as we eat them raw or barely cooked on many an occasion. I'll devote many future posts to the various and sundry wonders of the chicken egg, and why, of all things, you should only buy incredibly fresh eggs from farmer's you trust.
• I didn't go there with the intent to use, or even knowledge of, their car stuff, but saved some $0.30/gallon on a full tank of gas, and will save about $200 on a set of tires that my wife's car very badly needs.
• Oh - this being a personal bugaboo of mine - they actually have remarkably consumer-friendly return policies.
• I could go on, but it would be pointless; if that sort of stuff doesn't seem worthwhile to you; if you are simply and completely price-inelastic, either because money is irrelevant to you or because your theological in your beliefs about shopping, nothing I am going to say is going to change your mind, and life is far too short for me to give enough of a shit to try. 

What is nevertheless unequivocal is that going to Costco is an aesthetic assault on your senses. It is poorly organized (or, more precisely, unnecessarily difficult to navigate), vast, noisy, and ugly in virtually every sense of the word. I won't even try to sugarcoat it. If you tell me those non-pecuniary costs are too high, I won't argue; they are for my wife, but not for me, which is why I draw the short straw in this particular division of household labor.

The key to shopping at Costco is to understand it for what it is - a quasi-military exercise in efficiency and restraint in the unavoidable application of force. Laugh this off and, like my wife, you'll go once, leave feeling dirty, disgusted, and out $300, never to return. Like any pseudo-military campaign, there are certain rules of engagement that raise the probabilities of success:

1. The first thing to understand is that, like Gulf War I (and in stark contrast to nameless wars before and since), you must clearly define your objectives before engaging the enemy. The first rule of Costco is, Buy Only What You Are Certain To Use. Generally, this means only stuff you would have bought anyway. However, that is not strict enough, because no matter how cheap it is, it is not necessarily economically efficient to buy stuff that is either costly to store or that is certain to rot. 
2. The next rule, which might properly be a corollary of the first is, Avoid All That Crap By The Front. For the most part, this means electronics, but I would extend its scope to home furnishings and almost anything that comes in "coupon" form (EasyPass may be an exception; Day Passes to an amusement park you had no plans to visit, however deeply discounted, are not).
3. Never forget the third rule, Be Ruthlessly Selective. Do not buy something that is "almost the same" but which you will likely be disappointed in; do not sacrifice quality; do not downgrade from organic; if they don't have an acceptably close substitute for what you want, Move On.
4. It is generally permissible, and even advisable, to Purchase Dry and Bulk Goods. Cleaning products, paper products, bottled water (insert outrage at the relevant catastrophic environmental impact here), etc. There is probably even an "eco-friendly" version much like, if not identical to, the one you would have bought anyway. Just be sure you can store it. 
5. As an over-arching principal, always remember, when buying foodstuffs, to Avoid Complexity. This actually goes far beyond Costco, and we'll talk about it more later - certainly in a forthcoming post on buying pre-made tomato sauce - but for now, take it on faith: The longer the list of ingredients, the worse it will be. This will generally, but not exclusively, preclude all pre-made food, which is a good starting place (there are notable exceptions - depending on the topping, for example, the organic pizzas on Viccolo cornmeal crust - but they are the exceptions that prove the rule). 
6. Finally, Focus On Staples and Avoid The Fresh Stuff. Staples is the obvious strategy: Organic olive oil, bulk cereals and breads (of the right brands), wine, beer, and liquor (yes, the ARE staples, although always heed Rules 1 and 2 when purchasing booze), etc. The Fresh Stuff may be more controversial, and may even be unfair; I confess, I've not bought much if anything. But fruits and vegetables, both because of quantities and provenance, strike me as dubious. And, if you like to shop at farmer's markets, certainly fruits and veggies should be at the top of your list. I am less clear on the meats, but I'm fanatical about meats (I am tempted to try the whole organic chickens, if I could persuade myself that they were truly raised and slaughtered in a humane manner), and I'm inherently skeptical.

Good shopping, and good luck.